How to Become Clear About Your Dating Goals

How to Become Clear of Your Dating Goals​

Note from Joe: I connected with Rickard and decided he’s got some good advice for my blog. My clients’ dating goals rance from more casual (have a lot of hookups and sex) to serious (find your perfect woman to partner with forever.) I’ve been wanting both things in my life at different times, so I decided to open this blog up to others who can offer their advice to help you get what you want in your love life!


Rickard runs a youtube channel and blog. If you like what he has to say, check out his website at



The dating world can often feel confusing and overwhelming, leaving many individuals unsure of what they want.

Therefore, it is vital to become clear about your dating goals to find a fulfilling and compatible relationship.


In this article, we will explore practical steps to help you gain clarity about your dating goals, leading to more successful and satisfying experiences.


Before you continue to read, ask yourself why I am dating and what kind of relationship I want.

II. Understand Yourself and Your Priorities

You can never change another human being, only yourself.

This is a saying that my mother used to say to me when I grew up and when I faced challenges, both in my professional career as well as my personal life that I still find to be true to this day,


Therefore, we need to focus on you and what you want in the relationship in this section.


  1.  Self-reflection. Ask yourself about your values, interests, hobbies, and personal goals. Remember that women want men who have clear ambitions with their lives and dreams about what they want to accomplish. Your ethics and morals are also something you need to know and might further investigate as you ask yourself what kind of your relationship you want. Friends “with benefits”? A committed relationship, perhaps?
  2. Identify your non-negotiables. Start by thinking about what you don’t want. Do you want to date women who have children already, for instance? Is that acceptable to you or not? How about tattoos or smoking? Are they turnoffs or turn-ons for you? Asking yourself these questions is critical for your success, and you should know the values, ethics, qualities, and traits you’re looking for in a partner before you join.
  3. Prioritize your needs. Reflect on what you truly want in a relationship. Think both long-term and short-term. That will help you understand what you want and need in your relationship. They will be different depending on your wants and needs.


Remember that asking yourself about what you need and want in the relationship, identifying your non-negotiables, and taking the time for some self-reflection are required before you throw yourself out on the dating scene again.

III. Learn from Past Experiences

We all have had relationships in the past, and we need to learn from the mistakes we made and what we did well in our previous relationships. I understand that critiquing yourself might feel harsh. Still, we should always do it constructively, not blaming ourselves for everything that went wrong in our previous relationships, even if that is easy since we’re often our worst critics.


A.    Assess past relationships. We all have emotional “backpacks” or “baggage” to follow us into our new relationships. It is inevitable since we have picked them up from the great adventure called life. To become more successful in future relationships, we must acknowledge it and map out a personal roadmap by thinking about the positive and negative patterns we typically follow in a relationship.

B.    Reflect on lessons learned. Pinpoint the aspects that worked well and the things that didn’t work so well. Remember that it is not meant to criticize or be judgmental about your wrongdoings. We all have good and bad things and patterns we follow. They have developed through our lives and the challenges we have faced individually.

C.     Use insights to refine your goals. Apply the knowledge gained from previous relationships to clarify your future dating goals. What kind of picture do you see when you imagine your next relationship? By answering this question, you can set your expectations and allow your dreams to align with those expectations for your next relationship.


By evaluating our successes and failures in our past dating experiences and identifying positive and negative patterns, we can map out a personal roadmap to success. By enforcing the positive and changing the negative way, even if it is just one, you will realize what you should keep and what you need to change in your next relationship.

IV. Communicate Openly​

Be honest with yourself


Acknowledge your intentions and communicate them clearly to potential partners. Before you can find someone to love, you must think through what kind of relationship you want. Otherwise, you risk losing out on finding potential partners. 


Discuss expectations early on

Discuss your dating goals through honest and open conversations about the kind of relationship you want and the expectations of your relationship. What do you want with the relationship?


Seek mutual understanding

Encourage open communication to ensure that both of you are on the same page and can align your goals accordingly. Does she want the same kind of relationship you want? If not, can they still be aligned by altering your goals slightly? 

Listen to her answers and discuss them.

V. Embrace Personal Growth and Exploration

Step out of your comfort zone. Nothing good ever happens within your comfort zone. For that reason, it is vital that you are courageous enough to step out of it and date different people.

Focus on personal development. Engage in things you like, hobbies and activities that promote self-growth and build confidence. Confidence is, after all, key to attract your ideal partner.

Stay open-minded. Be receptive to new possibilities and consider adjusting your dating goals as you learn and grow.

VI. Regularly Revisit and Revise Your Goals

Periodically evaluate your progress and be flexible.

Reflect on your experiences and reassess your dating goals to ensure they align with your values and aspirations. 

As we grow older and get more experience when we embark on the incredible journey called life, we might have to adjust to new circumstances. Therefore, you must take some time to revisit and revise your goals.


Stay committed to self-improvement.

Work on yourself and your dating goals to attract a partner who aligns with your vision. It will help you grow as an individual and your future relationships to thrive rather than wither and die.

VII. Conclusion

You are having a clear understanding of what kind of relationship you want and your needs in that relationship. Therefore, you must have your dating goals fixed before starting your dating adventure, but don’t be afraid to change them along the way.


Dating is not just about getting to know and falling in love with another human being. It is likewise a journey of self-discovery and self-love that you embark on.

Always make informed decisions to find a compatible partner. She is waiting for you somewhere out there in the real world, I am sure of it.


It would be best if you learned from your past relationships. 

We all come with emotional “baggage” that we bring into our new relationships. Foster open and honest communication by discussing what kind of relationship you see yourself in with your future partners, listening attentively to them, seeing if your goals align, and adjusting them slightly if needed. Embrace self-growth and regularly revisit and revise your plans. In that way, your future relationships will not wither and die but grow and thrive.


Following these steps will give you the clarity necessary to navigate the dating world confidently and find a fulfilling relationship.


Best of luck to you!

Rickard Österholm

Blogger, dating coach, and relationship expert.

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